Areas of Speciality

Building Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence

Many of us carry around an ‘inner critic’ who bullies, criticises and demoralises us in its drive for perfection, control or certainty. You know that voice that says things like, “you don’t deserve this”, “you’ll be found out”, “you’ll never succeed if you don’t work even harder”, “everyone thinks you’re stupid”, “if you’re not perfect you’re nothing”. If you’re reading this page – you know exactly what I mean!

Negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself, others and the world lead to low self-esteem and self-confidence. But they are not facts and yet can result in a number of unhelpful emotions and behaviours such as anxiety, depression, envy and shame that may lead you to withdraw from others or result in reckless, compensatory or numbing behaviour.

What causes low self-esteem and self-confidence?

These beliefs, often formed as you are growing up, result in a lack of self confidence and self-esteem, when you are either told or interpret that you are not good enough, not clever enough, not thin enough, not attractive enough, and not fast enough etc. Whether your confidence and esteem might have been damaged following a negative or traumatic experience, or you heard these messages at home, school or in the media, you have come to believe them.

What can you do about it?

With the right support, you can understand how and why your negative thoughts and beliefs maintain your low self-esteem and low self-confidence. And it is possible to change these, to develop a sense of self compassion and self-acceptance and to manage any negative feelings you have about yourself. Compassion and acceptance for ourselves and others acts as a counterweight to negative thoughts and beliefs and helps us to face our fears rather than run away from them. They are game changer in fact!

By working with me, you will understand your triggers, as well as learn skills and techniques to manage low self-confidence, build self-compassion and self-acceptance and notice negative patterns or warning signs. I use a mixture of CBT, Compassion Focussed Therapy (CFT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to work with this and can bolster this work with hypnotherapy if you wish. 

I offer a safe place for you to talk about, understand, work through and ultimately deal with your feelings. We will work together to define strategies that sustain and maintain your positive change.

How to begin working with me

Simply call me on 07452 829821, email me at talk@mindresilience.co.uk, or complete the form below to begin building self-esteem and self-confidence.

Anger Management

What’s the cost of your anger?

Your answer might be, ‘my relationship/family’, ‘my career’ or ‘missed opportunities’ or it may be ‘my happiness’, ‘my health’ or ‘my peace of mind’. There may be more besides and so you probably have much more to lose with outbursts of anger than just your temper!

It is OK to appropriately express healthy anger or annoyance. But, if your rage and frustration get out of control, it’s a very different story. In the heat of the moment, you might throw or destroy things, you will say and do things you regret or are harmful to others or you.

Ultimately, if your response is disproportionate to what triggered it, then it’s probably time to change. Anger often has its root causes elsewhere and is likely a symptom of stress and strain occurring in your life or in a relationship with another person at home or work.

By working with me, I will help you to:

• Stop Your Anger
• Understand Your Anger and its Destructive Patterns
• Control your Anger and Learn to Express it Better
• Change your Life and your Future

I offer the programme as a one day small group workshop or as one to one anger management sessions. The programme can be delivered in person via web, in small anger management groups or as one to one anger management.

I understand that it can be hard to take the first step and admit you have a problem with. So, please contact me and we can have a chat on the phone before committing to attending a course or one to one sessions.

Seek my support now before it’s too late.

How to begin working with me

Simply call me on 07452 829821, email me at talk@mindresilience.co.uk, or complete the form below before it’s too late.

Breaking the cycle of unhealthy relationships

Having one unhealthy relationship in your lifetime might be considered unfortunate. A chance to learn and grow; part of growing up perhaps, so long as you leave it, move on and don’t repeat it again. But what if you have a pattern of unhealthy, codependent or emotionally abusive relationships with love or sexual partners, friends, family, work colleagues. Or you realise that your relationship with yourself is poor? If so, you might identify with some of the list below:

• You feel trapped in a relationship or friendship and feel you can’t leave it because being on your own is scary.
• You enter into and stay in unhealthy relationships no matter how bad the other person’s behaviour gets.
• Your partner, friends or circumstances might change, but the end results are no different: another unhealthy relationship.
• You feel you can’t change things for yourself and need someone else to rescue you or make it better for you.
• You don’t believe you deserve anything better.
• You give ‘your power away’ to other people so that they have the power to make you feel good or bad about yourself.
• Wherever you go or whatever changes you make, it still ends up the same.
• Despite your efforts to control and manipulate others, be a perfectionist or create a screen of perfection around yourself, the patterns repeat.
• You have difficulty setting and maintaining appropriate boundaries.
• You feel that if you could make those around you happy, you would have a purpose and stop feeling ‘less than’.
• You need people to need you and admire you so that you feel good about yourself.
• You may be medicating with alcohol, drugs or other unhelpful or habitual behaviours in an attempt to cope or pretend there is nothing wrong.
• You might feel depressed, anxious, angry, hurt, ashamed or guilty about your pattern and the circumstances that you find yourself in, possibly yet again.

If you identify with some of the above, it is likely that you have a cycle of unhealthy, codependent or emotionally abusive relationships. You may already identify yourself as codependent and you might also be working a programme of recovery such as CODA (Codependents Anonymous) or SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) or Al-Anon.

What can you do about unhealthy relationships?

Your cycle is likely to persist until you make positive and fundamental changes. Ignoring the problem, hoping it will go away or change with your next relationship, friendship or house move will not make things better. In fact, it’s likely to make it worse as time lapses and the pattern repeats.

The good news is that it is possible to stop this and change for good by changing your relationship with yourself and by changing how you relate to others. There is no quick solution. It takes time to unpick and understand how and why you interact the way you do. It takes time to build a positive relationship with yourself and learn how to interact healthily with others. But it is absolutely possible and I will help you and support you to do this.

In working with me, you will understand what lies at the heart of your patterns. You will also discover how your belief system about yourself, about others and about life keeps the cycle alive. We will work on fundamental changes, coping strategies, stressors and triggers. You will also learn new techniques and skills to help you sustain your change, manage and enhance your life in positive ways.

How to begin working with me

Simply call me on 07452 829821, email me at talk@mindresilience.co.uk, or complete the form below to begin breaking your cycle of unhealthy relating or codependency.

Overcoming Insomnia

We spend one-third of our lives asleep. The value of a good night’s sleep is universally accepted as a good thing and yet we widely neglect our need for this. Sleep is a need to have, not a nice to have although the amount of sleep needed varies from person to person and here quality over quantity is what really counts. Sleep supports health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally. An estimated 30-50% of the population are affected by insomnia, with around 10% having chronic insomnia. 

We’ve all had a few restless nights or one late night/early morning too many, but what we are talking about here is a prolonged sense of sleeping badly and suffering as a result, rather than not getting the specific number of hours sleep we think we should. Insomnia is the most common sleep disorder and involves one or more of the list below, occurring at least three times a week for at least one month:

• Problems getting to sleep quickly enough
• Waking up periodically in the middle of the night and having trouble getting back to sleep
• Waking too early in the morning and not getting back to sleep
• Poor sleep quality – not feeling restored or refreshed

Short-term sleeplessness does little harm to your health but can still result in fatigue, reduced energy, affect concentration/functioning and reduction in immune system function. The resulting distress and discomfort can lead to more stress, irritability, anxiety and even depression. 

Whilst some insomnia can be transient or short-term in nature (e.g. in response to life stressor such as death of a loved one or a shock) and might reduce within a month, this can also progress to a more serious problem. Prolonged sleeplessness, say for longer than 4 weeks (chronic insomnia) can create a desperate cycle of irritability, anxiety (particularly about sleep but also about other things), depression, gastrointestinal problems and so on. For others, insomnia is due to heightened levels of mental or body arousal, such as nerves, anxiety or ruminating thoughts, that interfere with routine sleep.

How I can help you

Studies show that the best way to treat insomnia is by taking a multi-disciplinary approach. I use interventions that target your physiology (body), psychology (your thoughts and emotions), behaviour change and environmental factors that may be affecting sleep quality. After thorough assessment so that I understand how insomnia affects you and your life, your patterns and triggers, I use a mixture of CBT, hypnotherapy and relaxation techniques.

How to begin working with me

Simply call me on 07452 829821, email me at talk@mindresilience.co.uk, or complete the form below to begin understanding and dealing with insomnia.